Saleenjit (Saleena) Kang

Hello, Beautiful World!

Welcome to my blog, Psych-Busters: Uncovering the Truth One Disorder at a Time, in my little corner of the universe. Just as a disclaimer, this blog involves no crazy experiments, and is in no way affiliated with the TV show MythBusters.

To those who don't know my bubbly, intense-sunshine self, my name is Saleenjit Kang, which is also the name of this post (ikr... modest much?). However, I prefer to be called by my nickname, Saleena, because it's simply easier. I'm a senior at BASIS Scottsdale, and have been at this school for a very long time (more specifically, 8 years...). I don't mind it all that much, as I've made such wonderful friends and have had the opportunity to be surrounded by such amazing teachers and peers :) In terms of my interests/hobbies, my life began when I was introduced to Sherlock Holmes (the BBC version). If I'm not watching or re-watching the Sherlock Holmes episodes, I'm either cooking/baking, eating, lost in the world of YouTube, or exercising in some shape or form (walking, hiking, etc.). I also like to ice-skate, even though I don't excel in the sport :) Oh, I'm a Scorpio (if that matters). Yeah... that basically sums me up.

Getting to the point of this blog, this year I will be participating in the Senior Project under the supervision and guidance of my faculty adviser, Mr. Chadwick Carey, and my on-site mentor, Dr. Julie T. Anné. Both Mr. Chadwick and Dr. Anné are such enthusiastic, inspiring people, and loads of fun to talk to :) I am so grateful to have the opportunity to get to know them and work with them over the course of the next few months.

In terms of my project itself, I will be interning at A New Beginning, working with the team of specialized psychologists (particularly with clinical director Dr. Julie Anné). Over the span of 10 weeks, I will use the knowledge gained from discussions with the team on-site and researching case studies to provide insight on a new disorder every week, from anxiety to anorexia. My aim throughout the project is to push aside misconceptions, and shed light on the truth behind some of the most common disorders in modern society, while also attempting to find the root of the myths and eradicating the social stigmas surrounding the disorders. Through the perspective of a young adult who suffers from anxiety, I want to add conscientiousness to these psychological fields that have not yet been researched in-depth for the multitude of misconceptions that envelop them through both clinical and research data.

The Team

As Trimester 2 comes closer and closer to an end, I simply cannot wait to embark on this journey! Also, I mean, no school... what's there not to look forward to? 

I really hope you've enjoyed reading my first blog post, and you're just as excited for February to begin :) Please subscribe so that you won't miss any of these wonderful posts, and so that you can join me through this wonderful project. Feel free to comment down below what you'd like to see in future blogs and what you think so far (more gifs, anecdotes, anything!). 

--Saleena ❤ 

P.S. Here's a link to check out my Final SP Proposal :)

Is this the end?

Hello, Beautiful World!

It's been sooooo long since I last posted. So like where have I been? Good question. I've been working on my final presentation (which is this Saturday!!! Shock! Gasp! Faint!), getting ready for graduation and Disney, and packing for summer vacation plans :D Don't you worry... I'll try to post here sometime towards the end of the summer to update y'all on how everything has been. I don't think this is the end (more like an intermission for a bit). Also, can I just say I'm so nervous for my presentation. I hope everything goes well; not just for me, but for every other senior presenting! Good luck Class of 2017!!!! If you're going to be there for the presentations, I'll see you there as I'm hyperventilating? Here's a link to my presentation slides if you can't make it... you shall be missed. Before I end this post, I just want to thank everyone once again. For being such an amazing audience, leaving such wonderful comments, and being such an encouraging community :D This project would have been nothing without you all 💞! Special thanks to BASIS Scottsdale and the Senior Project Committee, Dr. Julie, Mr. Carey, my blogging community, my parents, and everyone who followed my blog. Until next time!

OCD/Orthorexia: Unhealthy Obsessions

Hello, Beautiful World!

I CANNOT believe it's already Week 10!!!! Like where has the time gone?!?!?!?! I swear, just yesterday I was starting to write my first post, thinking it'll be such a long time before I'm on Week 10... and here we are, friends 😒.  Thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful support and love you've shown me on my blogging journey. To be completely honest, I think I'll still continue posting here occasionally under a new tab (I'll call it: Looking into the Future). What do you guys think?

Getting to the final disorder covered here on my blog, OCD/orthorexia, we'll begin with some general statistics and facts:

• OCD*:
• In the US, ~1 in 40 adults (~2.3% of the total population) and ~1 in 100 children are estimated to have OCD
• The following disorders may coexist with OCD: bipolar disorders, depression, ADHD, eating disorders, ASD, and TS. 

• Orthorexia**: 'an obsession with eating only healthy or "pure" foods'
• Term coined in 1996
• Sorry, I couldn't find many more statistics haha so that'll have to do :D

What surprised me about these statistics was how many other disorders OCD could coexist with!

Before meeting with Dr. Anné, I conducted a survey and looked through everyday media relevant to OCD/orthorexia. Starting off the meeting by asking her what misconceptions clients ​may have regarding orthorexia, I learned that clients think orthorexia is an eating disorder (which is wrong- it is a form of OCD). Orthorexia is not a formal diagnosis, nor is it under OCD. Clinically, however, it is seen through the lens of rigid OCD, not eating disorders (because eating disorders are superficially about body image and calories, while orthorexia is more about being clean, pure, and healthy). For OCD, clients commonly think that OCD is only about being super orderly and clean. Instead, these are characteristics of OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder), while avoiding germs and washing your hands frequently are signs of OCD. 

From here, Dr. Anné and I discussed more about OCD/orthorexia using the survey questions as a basis:

Misconceptions:

• Myth: Orthorexia is a sort of fad; suddenly people are focused on eating raw, organic, gluten-free, non-processed, and non-GMO foods. 
• Truth: Well, both eating disorders and orthorexia are OCD-based. Eating disorders can start as a diet, and then manifest into an eating disorder. The same applies to orthorexia: it can start with simply eating 'organic food,' but then become a problem.
• Myth: It is obvious when someone has OCD.
• Truth: It isn't unless you live with that person. It's more of an internal process than an external. 
• Myth: People with OCD are weak-willed and need to relax.
• Truth: Both people with OCD and OCPD wish they can relax, but cannot do so. With OCPD, a person is perfectionistic, driven, and organized to the point where it is stressful if anything isn't so. With OCD, one cannot relax because of all of the anxiety that fills them. 
• Myth: OCD is a personality quirk.
• Truth: It is rather a very genetic and biological/biochemistry-based disorder. It tends to run in families. For the most part, one is born towards that tendency, rather than being created out of the blue. There is also a certain component of chronic stress, which can trigger the OCD more frequently.
• Myth: All neat freaks have OCD.
• Truth: No, but many might (however, it is more OCPD than OCD). 
• Myth: OCD isn't treatable and can be diagnosed through blood tests. 
• Truth: OCD is very treatable because it is biological/has a physical cause. Hence, it is highly responsive to medication. There is no blood test, but rather an assessment based upon thought-processes and behaviors and genetic history. 

Some things that can be the truth or a myth, depending upon the case: 

• It's not that people with OCD LOVE keeping things neat and organized, but rather they need to. It becomes stressful for them not to go through with a behavior, only feeling calm and peaceful after completing so. 
• Cleanliness and being a 'germaphobe' are both ways, out of many, that OCD can manifest itself. However, what really defines OCD is a fear-driven anxiety. There is a compulsive behavior that gives way to anxious thoughts, and only going through with the behavior undoes the thought. For example: if I say goodbye to my family three times, they won't get into a car accident. It's out of fear-driven compulsion that one does this (so that the family does not get into a car accident). If one doesn't say goodbye three times, there will be an intrusive thought that something bad will happen to the family that will only go away when the behavior is complete.

From here, we discussed the portrayal of OCD/orthorexia in the media:

• Rain Man:
• He had autism, not OCD. 

• What about Bob?:
• He had Dependent-Personality Disorder, not OCD. 

• Snow White (Snow Whiter's obsession with cleanliness in the dwarves home):
• That's a bit of a stretch. It's more of her feministic character being a housecleaner for the dwarves than OCD. 

So where do all of these myths and misconceptions surround OCD and orthorexia come from? It's all of the misunderstanding and misinformation that is spread about them. But also, it's that these are very complicated disorders (within the realm of disorders, there is OCD versus OCPD versus orthorexia, which may be a part of OCD, but isn't an actual diagnosis). It get's confusing, you know? There are so many nuances that it's hard to understand and tease apart what is what. Even I was getting confused at times even just learning about this all. 

Anyways, I'm going to end this post a little differently, as it is my last weekly post about disorders. I just really want to genuinely thank everyone that made this project happen. From Dr. Anné for presenting me the opportunity for the internship, to the whole A New Beginning team for making their office feel like a second home and spending time with me on my project, to Mr. Chadwick for the idea behind the project, and to everyone who reads this blog and gives it purpose! I love each and every one of you!!!! This project would have been nothing had I not had such a wonderful audience reading my posts with silly gifs. Thank you for joining me through this momentous journey! Until next time....

Lots of love 💗,

--Saleena 

Sources:

* Facts about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (n.d.). Retrieved April 10, 2017, from http://beyondocd.org/ocd-facts. 

**Orthorexia Nervosa (n.d.). Retrieved April 10, 2017, from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia-nervosa.

DID: A Psyche's Guide to Survival!

Hello, Beautiful World!

I hope everyone is doing well. Nothing very eventful happened this week (in fact, it's been quite stressful), so we'll get straight to the disorder of the week: DID (dissociative identity disorder)!

Here are some facts and statistics:*

• It is estimated to effect ~1% of the national population.
• DID is more common in those who have suffered from childhood trauma than the general population. 
• DID is most often caused by experiencing trauma before nine years of age (the earlier the trauma, the greater predicted degree of dissociation)
• Alternate personalities range from anywhere between eight and 13, with the most being 100!

What I found most interesting about these statistics was the amount of alternate personalities possible to exist in a given person with DID!

Before meeting with Dr. Anné, I conducted a survey and looked through everyday media relevant to DID. Starting off the meeting by asking her what misconceptions clients ​may have regarding DID, I learned that clients generally do not know what DID even means. It's a relatively new term, as DID used to go under the term of Multiple Personality Disorder. Hence, clients don't know what such a diagnosis implies, and if they do have somewhat of an understanding, they ask Does that mean there is more than one person inside of me? Basically, there is a misunderstanding of what that diagnosis is.

From here, Dr. Anné and I discussed more about DID using the survey questions as a basis:

Misconceptions:

• Myth: People with DID live highly abnormal lives. 
• Truth: Most of the time, they are functioning, capable people, although they do have struggles due to an abusive history that has not been resolved.  While "capable," they may use things like alcohol and/or substances to cope and/or have other issues that are a symptomatic of their underlying abuse.
• Myth: Treatment only makes DID worse because therapists further develop the existence of the different states. One with DID can never fully recover.
• Truth: Therapy does not make DID worse, but rather makes it better. Some of the goals for treatment in the past have been complete integration; but that doesn't have to be the case. It's about the awareness of the alters, and supporting the needs and functions of each personality. Oftentimes, it's a combination of some integration, but also awareness and support of the alters' needs. 
• Myth: Only people with DID dissociate.
• Truth: Other people can also dissociate, including those with PTSD. DID is simply the severest form of dissociation, but it can certainly take place in response to other things (such as a traumatic experience, trigger, or an association with a former traumatic experience)
• Myth: DID is the same thing as schizophrenia and bipolar disorders.
• Truth: Nope, they're all completely different! Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder; bipolar is a mood disorder; and DID is a trauma-based disorder.
• Myth: Individuals with DID can choose to get rid off, kill off, or immediately integrate their alters.
• Truth: The goal needs to be to understand the purpose and function of the different alters. You never want to (and can't really) eliminate any of the alters until you respond to the purpose and function of the alter. Everything is survival and compensatory based. It's a very complicated process that takes time. You need to heal, respond to, and understand the different pieces that have been created due to the trauma experienced. 

Some things that can be misconceptions or truths, depending on the case:

• Switching between personality states is obvious! Well, it may not be... it really depends on who is observing. The more familiar you are with the nuances of the different personality states, the better you can see it (although it can be very easy to miss if you aren't). The media exaggerates the personality states through wardrobe changes, conflicting mannerisms, etc., but in real life, it's not as easy to identify. 
• People with multiple personalities do not know about the other personalities. This comes from dissociative amnesia, one of the five primary symptoms of DID. It's true that many people live for years without any awareness of their alters; but, with diagnosis and treatment, they learn about the other states and cultivate internal communication. It's a gradual process, not an all-or-nothing phenomenon. Within any diagnosis, there is going to be a strict criteria of symptoms; but the reality is that you are on the continuum within any category when it comes to DID. Sometimes people know, other times they don't (to sum up)!

Some things that are deemed to be myths, but are actually true:

• It's true that DID is lots of separate people with distinct personalities within one body.
• DID is rare, affecting only about 1% of the population. 

Since the media plays a huge role in how we perceive things, I also asked Dr. Anné how she felt regarding the portrayal of DID in Sybil, Fight Club, and The Lord of the Rings. 

• Sybil:
• They did a beautiful job! The book has since then been debunked, but the movie did a good job of showing what creates trauma and how it gets healed. 

• Fight Club:
• This was really intense! It was a very interesting, detailed portrayal (one of the extreme, super-classic examples of DID)!

• The Lord of the Rings (Gollum/Smeagol):
• Kinda and kinda not... In the movie, the alters talk to each other, which isn't typical, and they switch back and forth in the conversation. You typically won't be aware of the other person, or have a conversation like that. 

Where do these myths come from them? It doesn't have to do with it being a new term (as only the term is new to show a larger spectrum; the disorder has been around for a long time). When something is rare, scary, and appears to be extreme in a way that is hard to understand, there simply tends to be lots of misconceptions and judgment around it. 

I hope you guys like my Week 9 post! Thank you all for following me on this journey, and showing me so much support!

Lots of love 💗,

--Saleena 

Sources: 

*Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) (September, 2016). Retrieved April 03, 2017, from http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-statistics-and-facts/. 

Dieting: Diets Don't Work!

Hello, Beautiful World!

I hope everyone is doing wonderfully well 😊. Before I get into this blog post (which will be a little different from others because it's not really a disorder), I'd like to say that I was so happy to read all of the wonderful comments on last week's post about how much you guys enjoyed it! I also LOVED working with and learning from Dr. Ashley on marital issues/couples therapy 💕. 

This week has been very eye-opening as many very awesome things happened! I finally figured out what my final product for my project will be... but I can't tell you. I know, I know, the suspense is too real! I'm so happy with it, and I can't wait to work on it 👏. I also got a job at a summer camp (courtesy of the amazing Mr. Chadwick and Mr. Carey)- I'm taking a very big step getting out of my comfort zone in terms by spending a month and a half away from home (if you know me, you'll know I'm a hugeeeee homebody). YAYYY! 

Getting to the disorder of the week (except it's not a disorder), dieting, we're going to begin with some facts/statistics about dieting:

• 95% of those who use dieting to lose weight gain it back.*
• At any given time, up to 50% of women are on a diet. **
• Up to 90% of teens diet regularly, and 50% of adolescents have tried dieting at some point in their life. **

What surprised me the most about these statistics was that even young kids try dieting! 

Before meeting with Kristine Sinner, the registered dietitian nutrition therapist at A New Beginning who specializes in eating disorders and healthy weight management, I conducted a survey and looked through everyday media relevant to dieting. Starting off the meeting by asking her what misconceptions clients ​may have regarding diets and nutrition, I learned that clients generally believe that eating dietary fat makes them have more body fat, and eating carbs will cause them to gain weight as well. Also, there is a common misconception that skipping meals is a good way to lose weight, but it actually causes weight gain in the long-term (I'll discuss this in-depth below). 

Kristine Sinner, MS, RDN

From here, Kristine and I discussed more about dieting using the survey questions as a basis:

Misconceptions:

• Myth: Eating late in the evening will make you gain weight.
• Truth: What leads to weight gain in the evening is due to the fat that people come home from work or school, kick off their shoes, turn on the TV, sit on the couch, and eat directly out of containers. They don't portion their food, thus eating unconsciously and mindlessly, increasing their overall caloric intake than if they'd had a mindful meal.
• Myth: Pasta makes you fatter.
• Truth: No one food makes you fat. Weight changes occur directly due to caloric intake. If you need 2,500 calories a day and eat that many, you maintain your weight. If you eat more than that, you gain. Think of it as a 'metabolic bucket.' What overflows from the amount of calories you need is stored as body fat not matter what food it comes from.
• Myth: Going on a diet is the best way to lose weight because you're cutting calories and carbs, which are bad. 
• Truth: Going on a diet is not a good idea because caloric restriction below what your body needs will only promote weight loss in the short-term; if it goes below 2,000 calories a day, your body will resist weight loss and will begin to compromise lean body tissue, such as skeletal and visceral, by taking those proteins to meet energy requirements. This will lead to a decrease in overall body weight, but will make it impossible to really eat normally again because your metabolism has been slowed down so much.
• Myth: Eating protein and carbs in different meals is the best way to lose weight. 
• Truth: You need proteins, carbs, and fat to be healthy. Your body needs carbs first for energy (between 50-55% of the energy your body needs comes from carbs), then it uses dietary fat for energy. Once your body uses those two forms of fuel, protein can be used to build muscles and drives metabolism. You need to have all three!
• Myth: Eating fat makes you fat.
• Truth: Eating too many calories of any energy yielding nutrients can lead to potential weight gain. It is all about calories in versus calories out.
• Myth: Certain foods help burn fat.
• Truth: Oxygen within the blood stream through aerobic activity is how the body burns body fat. The body can burn body fat in a sense with the deprivation of carbs by resorting to a secondary source of carbs, called ketones. These are a secondary preference for the brain to keep it fed, and the fat cells help create that source for the brain. However, it is only a short-term weight loss. 
• Myth: The more you work out, the more calories you lose. 
• Truth: Excessive exercise can lead to weight gain, because it leads to an increase in appetite. Moderate, consistent, regular activity is the key to weight loss.
• Myth: Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight.
• Truth: Skipping meals will lead to increased hunger, typically later in the day due to low glucose stores. You are more likely to eat more calories than if you had spread them throughout the day. Your choices end up being compromised and you are less inhibited because you're so frantic and you want quick, fast, hurried meals. You don't make time, and you end up gaining weight. 
• Myth: You cannot eat what you love and lose weight.
• Truth: We shouldn't love food; we love people. Food is to nourish our body. You can eat foods you like to the point of satisfaction, but wanting fullness from it is what creates weight gain. Be mindful of what you're eating, and eat slowly.
• Myth: If the label says "no-fat" or "low-fat," you can eat all you want and not gain weight. 
• Truth: A calorie is a calorie is a calorie. Your body has the capacity to gain weight on anything if you eat more than your body needs.
• Myth: You cannot be overweight and healthy.
• Truth: You definitely can! BMI (body mass index) is a tool used to assess appropriate weight based upon height; but it does not differentiate between healthy and unhealthy. For example, a body builder would be considered potentially overweight because of his/her muscle weight making him/her weigh more; but that does not mean he/she is unhealthy. 
• Myth: You shouldn't eat between meals.
• Truth: You should eat snacks between meals to keep your metabolism rate stable and active.

Some things that can be misconceptions or truths, depending on the case:

• Although eating small, frequent meals does not necessarily boost your metabolism, it sure does help maintain a stable, consistent one. Your metabolism is set based upon your activities, your age, and what you eat. Eating in small, frequent portions keeps your metabolism active, and prevents the tendency to store calories. 
• People say that coffee, green tea, and milk can help you lose weight. Caffeine has been touted in some cases to increase heart rate, and thus increase metabolism in the short-term. However, it would not lead to considerable or substantial weight loss. Milk, on the other hand, has been shown to help with weight loss because it is a nutrient dense food that contains carbs, proteins, and fat, which you need to reach a point of satisfaction to trigger cues which let your brain know you are full. 
• Skipping breakfast makes you gain weight. Well, not necessarily. It doesn't, so to say, 'make you.' There is no cause and effect relationship. If you skip breakfast, you are more likely to overeat later, thus gaining weight. Dieting has a 99.5% failure rate, and it's a $65 billion industry that is also failing. 

Since the media plays a huge role in how we perceive things, I also asked Kristine how she felt regarding the portrayal of dieting in Little Miss Sunshine, The Devil Wears Prada, Bring It On, Mean Girls, Elf, and celebrities. 

• Little Miss Sunshine: "When you eat ice cream, the fat in the ice cream becomes fat on your body. So if you eat a lot of ice cream, you might become fat, and if you don't, you'll stay nice and skinny."
• This is completely wrong because it views food as the enemy, and implies that there is a cause and effect relationship between food and weight gain. No single food will make you fat. This message encourages the dichotomization of food into good and bad categories that will ultimately make a person feel bad about him/herself. 

• The Devil Wears Prada: "Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
• That's no bueno. It's self-sacrifice for the superficial pleasures of vanity.

• Bring It On: "I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half. This is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores."
• This is also no good. It's addressing external controls versus internal control cues for eating. No one knows better than yourself when you're hungry or satisfied. It's a classic case of should's and supposed to, which can't occur when it comes to weight and control. 

• Mean Girls: "I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet."
• People often make decisions in a vacuum, so they don't even know why they're doing what they're doing. We look more into what we wear than what we put into our bodies. For example, when you're shopping for clothes, you consider it's price, functionality, color, etc. When it comes to what to eat, you just eat without considering nutritional value, how it can help your body by preventing diseases, etc. That's kinda sad, isn't it?

• Elf: "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: Candy, Candy Canes, Candy Corn, and Syrup!"
• It's realistic for an unrealistic elf, but not humans. Food isn't always about taste; it's also got to be about nutritional value. 

• Celebrities going on extreme diets for movie roles
• When in Rome, do what the Romans do. When you're getting paid heavily to do something, anyone can do anything. If money is your motivation, as opposed to your health, then it trumps health sometimes. 

So where do all of these misconceptions regarding dieting come from? Magazines are one source of such myths. They're written by journalists, not nutritional experts! Advertisements and the dieting industry are also hugeeee sources. They're just companies putting catchy words out there; they're only trying to make a profit. Also, dieting is a learned behavior, passed on from generation to generation. You can be predisposed to dieting, but being exposed to a multitude of variables (media, etc.), you become more vulnerable to it. Similar to this, what is your family's focus? Is it religion? Vanity? Politics? Family time? This sets up one's mindset, and if the answer is vanity, then dieting becomes a learned behavior. Genetics loads the gun; society pulls the trigger (as Kristine so eloquently put it). 

 I hope you guys like my Week 8 post! Thank you all for following me on this enlightening journey, and showing me so much support!

Lots of love 💗,

--Saleena

Sources:

*Nutrition- Dieting and Eating Disorders (n.d.). Retrieved March 29, 2017, from http://www.healthunit.org/nutrition/hottopics/dieting/dietfacts.htm

**Facts and Statistics About Dieting (2015, July). Retrieved March 29, 2017, from http://www.livestrong.com/article/390541-facts-statistics-about-dieting/

Couples Therapy/Marital Issues: Is there really a "happily ever after"?

Hello, Beautiful World!

I hope everyone has been enjoying the wonderful, skin-scorching weather here in Arizona 😓. I swear we skipped right over spring (it maybe lasted for about two whole days?).

Despite the weather, as you all you know, I took my spring break this week!!! It was amazing to be able to simply sit around in sweatpants all day, every day for the whole week and do a variety of activities: eat, sleep, read, watch movies, repeat. I really think I missed the feeling of being bored (I never thought I would say that, but there it is).

As promised, I am still doing a blog post this week on....*drum roll, please*... couples therapy/marital issues! I'd really been looking forward to this one, considering Disney is all about couples and fairytale weddings.

Just like every other post, I'm going to start off by listing some facts about marriage, divorce, and couples therapy:

• In the US, the marriage rate is 6.9 per 1k population (total of 2,140,272 marriages), and the divorce rate is 3.2 per 1k population (total of 813,862 divorces).*
• Of those who receive couples therapy, 75% are better off than couples who did not receive therapy, and 65% report improvement in terms of marital satisfaction.**
• Therapy is most affective by working on the emotional maturity of the couple and their emotional bonds. 

What I found interesting about these statistics was that the divorce rate is basically half of the marriage rate (so do half of marriages end in divorce?). And the rate is even higher for second and third marriages (so if you get re-married, the odds of staying together are slim). 

Before meeting with Dr. Ashley Southard, a clinical therapist at A New Beginning who specializes in couples therapy (EFT-trained) and family therapy, I conducted a survey and looked through everyday media relevant to couples therapy and marital issues. Starting off the meeting by asking her what misconceptions clients ​may have about marriage and couples therapy, I learned that couples ​often ​wait until their relationship is in a really bad place before seeking couples therapy. Obviously, this makes the therapy more difficult because one or both partners may have a lot of anger and/or hurt towards their partner. Thankfully, with the help of effective couples therapy many relationships - even severely troubled ones - can be repaired and restored to a loving, connected relationship.  Another misconception I learned is that couples ​may ​also come in thinking the therapist will fight to save the marriage​ at any cost​ (which isn't exactly what the therapist does), and that the therapist ​just needs to focus on changing the other partner and then everything will be ok in the relationship. 

Ashley Southard, Ph.D., LMFT

From here, Dr. Ashley and I discussed more about marital issues/couples therapy using the survey questions as a basis:

Misconceptions:

• Myth: You'll know you're with "the one" if the relationship comes easily without any problems. 
• Truth: This is a huge misconception (that if you need therapy, then he/she must not be "the one"), along with "the perfect relationship shouldn't require therapy" and "marriage shouldn't make one feel uncomfortable." No relationship is easy, and if it is really easy all of the time, then you may be avoiding important topics and issues. Marriage is hard work; some say it is the hardest next to parenting. 
• Myth: Your true love will automatically know what to say and do to make you happy; so, you shouldn't have to tell your spouse. 
• Truth: This is a major misconception talked a lot about in therapy. You need to communicate how you're feeling, and your partner needs to respond. Communication is a key element in marriage; your partner can't read your mind (which seems like a duh, but trust me, it isn't)!
• Myth: If the relationship was "meant to be," it will work out. 
• Truth: All good relationships require work. For example, in a healthy parent-child relationship, the parent needs to engage regularly with the child. Friendships require effort, and even your relationship with your body requires work (aka exercise), to name a few others. You cannot be passive in a relationship and expect it to work. ​Also, people change as they mature and sometimes the partner that was a good match for you at one point in your life may no longer be a good match for you later in life. ​
• Myth: Your partner should know exactly what they did to make you upset without you having to explain.
• Truth: This is a straight-up fantasy. You need to tell your partner in a loving, respectful way what's wrong, and it is your partner's job to listen and respond. 
• Myth: If you're truly happy with your partner, you shouldn't need to be close to anyone else. 
• Truth: You can't put all of your eggs in one basket. It is unrealistic to expect your partner to meet all of your needs, and you should have other relationships (friends, etc.) outside of him/her. 

Some things that can be misconceptions or truths, depending on the case:

• People sometimes say that a marriage is made complete only when you have kids, which can help you become closer to your partner. However, the stressors and demands of raising kids can actually create more distance in the marriage. Also, there are plenty of couples with kids that are unhappy, and plenty happy couples without them.
• "Opposites attract!""Differences will ruin your marriage!""Birds of a feather flock together!" Well, it's really a little bit of all of those. Having differences creates diversity and individuality in a relationship, making it more dynamic. However, a long-lasting marriage also needs to be founded upon some sort of common ground for both spouses (whether it be values, lifestyle, hobbies, etc.)
• There is an saying that happy couples that last in the long-run don't argue and do everything together. But, it really depends. Conflict is a healthy part of a relationship, if done so properly. If not, you're avoiding issues that should be discussed. A couple can simply have avoided everything and anything controversial, been together for a long time, and remained unhappy. Basically, a couple can be together for a long time, but that doesn't mean that both partners are happy and connected to each other. 
• When it comes to the early stages of a relationship, most people think I should avoid voicing my disagreements early on in the relationship. But, it's really about picking your battles. You should definitely voice your concerns or opinions on things that are important to you or define your value system. However, also understand that the other person isn't a carbon copy of you. If it really matters to you and defines you, hold to it and speak out. If it's something minor, let it go. 
• "You should learn to love your partner's worst qualities/flaws." Is this true? Yes, so long as they don't violate your own boundaries of values. Abuse isn't something you should accept or learn to love. But, accept other differences in hobbies/interests/etc.. 
• People say that living together before marriage decreases chances of divorce. However, research shows the opposite: premarital cohabitation may actually increase chances of divorce because people with values of cohabitation tend to also have more lenient values regarding divorce as an option when feeling unfulfilled in a relationship. If there isn't cohabitation (because of strict religious values, etc.), then it's not okay to have a divorce. So, what I'm trying to say is, for some couples it does, but for others it doesn't. 

Since the media plays a huge role in how we perceive things, I also asked Dr. Ashley how she felt regarding the portrayal of marital issues/marriage/couples therapy in social media, Cinderella, Disney's "Happily Ever After," Big Little Lies, and Everybody Loves Raymond. 

• Relationship statuses in social media:
• Limit your exposure to social media and try to not​ compare your relationship to what others show about their relationship on social media. ​ ​Oftentimes, people post snippets of their life to make things look like everything is perfect or great. This can leave you feeling bad about your less-than-perfect relationship. Don't compare your insides to others' outsides. 

• Cinderella:
• It's a fantasy, and if you realistically think about her actual situation, it shouldn't work out that way. Her mom dies; her dad marries a mean woman who treats her poorly; she isn't protected from her evil stepsisters. She probably needs therapeutic support to deal with all of the trauma and abandonment she experienced as a young person, and she won't likely fall into "the perfect marriage" and not face any problems. She's actually more likely to marry someone who doesn't treat her well (or a workaholic) because of how she was raised. 

It really is only a dream...

• "Happily Ever After"
• Once again, it's a fantasy that sets people up to think that marriage will always be wonderful, and you'll always be happy and in love and it will be easy. In real life, marriage is hard, has its ups and downs, and requires a lot of work. Ideas like this paint a broad stroke that gives wrong expectations that once we get married things will get better and we will always be happy.

• Big Little Lies
• The therapist for the sexual assault couple is portrayed really well and handles situations accurately. 

• Everybody Loves Raymond
• This is wonderful to watch because it shows more realistic marital and extended family dynamics. 

So where do all of these myths come from regarding marriage and couples therapy? One obvious source is the media, which portrays this idea that marriage is all easy. Another is that therapy, especially couples therapy, has such a social stigma. What will other people say if we need to go to therapy? It's all your fault that our marriage isn't perfect! Also, there is a lot of fear in people. If a couple has to go to therapy to work on their relationship, they think they might get a divorce if they really address the problem. Marriage requires nurturing, just like any other thing. Another thing is, some of us didn't have great models of relationships in our own families (divorces, no fighting in front of the kids, no affection, etc.). We hang on to what we see on Facebook and other social media and how our own parents' relationship was, and our own relationships become like the same because we think that's what it should be like. We get scared of therapy. That it must be a problem with me. But therapy can be a really helpful resource, and you don't have to be in such a terrible place to begin with. 

 I hope you guys like my Week 7 post (how is it Week 7 already!?!?!)! Thank you all for following me on this enlightening journey, and showing me so much support!

Lots of love 💗,

--Saleena

Sources: 

*Marriage and Divorce (2017, January). Retrieved on March 21, 2017, from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm. 

**Couples Counseling (n.d.). Retrieved March 21, 2017, from http://family-marriage-counseling.com/mentalhealth/couples-counseling.htm.